I heaved a big sigh and rubbed my weary eyes. 12.45am, still early, I thought.
I looked away from my laptop screen to my neglected P3 Business Analysis notes at the side of my table. It’s been 3 hours since I “took a break” from studying, 3 hours since my dear Lappy called to me playfully, for companionship or something, or perhaps it was I who wanted the companionship or something. So I pushed my notes slightly to the side. “Just 5 minutes.”

And now, 3 hours later my eyes stinging from staring at the bright laptop screen for too long,
I rest my eyes and sit back in my chair, recollecting my thoughts.

Why won’t those strong piercing words thrown at me, and vice versa, during our argument stop resonating in my mind.

I cannot find a reason to let my guard down.

…shit, finals are in 3 weeks.

I am strong, and I will not allow this to affect my studies. Or affect me, for that matter.

God, I have wayy too many depressing songs in my playlist.

Someone needs to clear out my depressing songs from my laptop. No ok I take that back, for I will hunt down the person who touches my music folders.

Why hasn’t he called. Oh that’s right, because he is out tonight. He is there.

I need more coffee.

:+:+:

Those 3 hours would normally be taken up by a series of web-surfing, music-hunting, email-checking, blog-hopping. And browsing my playlist for songs that best suited my mood.
But this time my 3 hours were only occupied by one blog.
I even back-tracked and read her archives. Of course I’m nowhere near done yet, and interestingly this is one blog I find myself unable to stop reading; she writes with a certain flair that leaves her readers aching for more, and wanting to read all the way through.

One thing I envy about Hope, besides her unprecedented skill as a writer, her flair for words, and the fact that her life story should be made into a frickin’ movie,
Mostly, I envy her anonymity.
No pictures of her to point fingers at, no details of her identity, nor what she looks like, nor the places she hangs out at. Only generic nicknames like “The Bar” and “The Man”.
Her freedom to write whatever the hell she wants, whenever her complex mind wanders off,
and usually the first unedited version of the book, or in my case my “Drafts”, is most true. Most unfabricated. Most real.

And although I do write whatever the hell I want, most of the time,
I am confined by certain unspoken boundaries. As most bloggers who post their pictures on their blogs are. To avoid being judged by my peers and those who know me.
Strangers who recognize my pictures will say, “Oh ThatGirlCynthia, yea that crazy emo chick.”
Friends will say, “My god woman are you ok.”
But this post I write, although short and blurted out in single-liners,
is probably the most real I have written in awhile.

:+:+:

Do you know of any other blogs to recommend? Preferrably similar to this genre, this thought-provoking, soul-connecting, beautifully-written genre. But oh any good reads will do. Do share!
Although I must admit it may be deliciously detrimental to my health, but I don’t care.

Currently listening to: Remy Zero - Fair

1. Hope Says:
   May 18th, 2008 at 8:00 pm

   How sweet are you? Thanks so much for your comment.

   Currently, I’m quite addicted to

   http://www. vintagejournalizations.blogspot.com

   Also? I love, love, love Remy Zero–Fair and really all depressing music in general. :)

2. thisguy Says:
   May 19th, 2008 at 3:00 pm

   i’d recommend this : http://www.ohyou.org/

   been reading her writing for a couple of years now in its various
   incarnations. it’s short and not updated very frequently so you won’t spend too long taking your “breaks”.

   also for good depressing music, try glen hansard - anything off the Once soundtrack.

3. Cynthia Says:
   May 19th, 2008 at 3:07 pm

   hope: ooh thanks for the reply! and the link ;) ah, more similarities i see. Love the way you write, and your taste in music ;)

4. Cynthia Says:
   May 19th, 2008 at 3:12 pm

   thisguy: thanks for the link and the song recommendation. However i cant seem to find your song, but i only found ‘Glen Phillips & Teitur - Don’t Need Anything’.:( Nevermind, will search harder…

5. BabY KaT Says:
   May 20th, 2008 at 1:32 am

   *squashing thia in a big big hug* :D

6. sze may Says:
   May 20th, 2008 at 2:02 pm

   http://poison-bri-berry.blogs.friendster.com/_the_beautiful_letdown_/

   her back dated entries are something worth reflecting on.

7. Cynthia Says:
   May 21st, 2008 at 2:14 am

   babykat: aw :)

   sze may: thanks for the reco :) btw i found hope through your madebygirl, hehe

8. plain.jane Says:
   May 23rd, 2008 at 4:47 pm

   i read http://www.thedogsname.blogspot.com/

   good stuff!

9. Fandeon Says:
   May 26th, 2008 at 6:11 pm

   Hi, just someone who pass by and wanting to share some nice blog,

   http://hopedieslast.wordpress.com/
   This one is recommended by my friend, I read few entries and it’s not bad…

   http://stickgal.blogspot.com/
   This one is a must-see. It’s cute and it does bring the message.

   Hope you enjoy them like how I enjoy it too…

10. Cynthia Says:
    May 28th, 2008 at 2:30 am

    plain.jane: good stuff! im reading some of the posts now, its great thanks :)

    fandeon: stickgal’s adorable ;p and a picture shows a thousand words

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